


What Will Be

by Frin



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Retrospective, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 01:49:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1286668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frin/pseuds/Frin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>First published as "Que Sera, Sera" on 2008.09.13</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Will Be

I look around me and I see swarms of people. I've never seen so many of them in the TARDIS. Nine of us all happy and chatting. Except...

I have a niggling feeling that won't let go. This can't work out how I planned... it can't...

The Doctor in brown is definitely in charge. From what I can gather, the one in blue is new grown from the hand he had cut off, the day I first met their face.

It is quite confusing because they seem the same. Well, except the one in brown won't quite meet my eyes and the one in blue looks deeply into mine, as if he were trying to look into my very soul. Makes me feel almost naked.

What does it mean?

People start to move out of the console room and I decide to do the same, there's something I want to see.

I wander down the corridors stroking her walls fondly.

"We've been through some times you and I, haven't we?" I say out loud. She sort of rumbles back to me so it vibrates right through me like she's hugged me. And something else. An apology?

My door is there, exactly as I left it. The carved wooden Rose is worn down a bit, as if someone has touched it every time they pass.

Inside is the same. Same make up on the dressing table. Same ruffled unmade bedding. Same clothes strewn about. Just as I left it. Except.... 

Someone has been in here. I know someone has been sitting in here. Sitting and thinking. A picture comes into my head of a man in brown sitting on my bed with his head in his hands. Tears sting my eyes and the TARDIS removes the vision from me.

I stand there for a long time. It's Mickey who finds me.

"You okay, Rose?" he asks, touching my arm.

"Yeah, 'm fine," I reply with a small smile. He stands with me for a while.

"Listen, I'm gonna stay in this world, yeah? I sort of decided that I might before.Think I'll just... start again. Been waiting around for you too long, Rose. Looks like you're sorted now." I don`t argue with him. I just don't know how he can think I'm "sorted."

"But, what does it mean?" I ask.

"How do you mean?" He looks at me, bewildered, because I usually always know what it means.

"Two of them, Mickey. How does that work?"

"I'm not the man to ask." And really that's it, isn't it? He never was the the man to ask. Mickey is moving out of my life whichever universe I end up in.

I move down to the galley and find Jack and Donna having a giggle trying to find glasses to enjoy a celebratory drink. They see my face and quieten. Jack hugs me, squeezing me tight.

"What does it mean?" I ask them and I know Donna has the answer. She can't even meet my eye just like him. She says nothing, just lets Jack make all the soothing noises. I don't stay there too long, I'll find no answers here.

Martha meets me on my way and walks with me a while. "You know how much he loves you, right?" she asks. I don't answer so she continues. "You haunted this place all the time I travelled with him. Always there looking over our shoulders. Made me quite jealous." She moves off to find Jack and Donna.

Sarah Jane and my mum are in the sitting room getting very chatty exchanging mum stories. I sit with them for a while. My mum looks at me.

"You know, you can still come back with me," she says.

"Mum, we've been through this..."

"You should be with your family, though," says Sarah Jane. 

Maybe she's right. I leave them to it. Carry on searching for answers.

I decide to have a wander in the gardens, always a good place to reflect. So peaceful. Beautiful. Seems like someone's been planting there. I'm sure there weren't as many Rose bushes before.

It feels like I walk for miles and then I find the one in blue sat on a bench deep in thought. He doesn't notice me at first. I sit next to him and make him jump. Which is new.

"Hello," he says simply and it's so him. I smile. "All a bit confusing," he says. I nod. I don't think I can ask him because he looks as confused as me. He takes my hand and it feels so right, warmer than usual, but right. "I think I know what he's got in mind."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." We sit there quietly for a while. 

"I think he'll try and leave us together."

"Oh..." He looks sideways at me to gauge my reaction.

"It's one solution. Leave us stuck together on your universe." He looks straight ahead with a curl to his lip.

"This is my universe!"

"Yes," he says thoughtfully. 

I think for a while. "Besides, stuck with you... not so bad."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." He likes that, gives a little nod. "You'd find it hard without the TARDIS."

"Yes. I'd be okay with you, though..." He plays with my hand for a while, tracing his fingers around mine. "I missed you," he says quietly, "so much it hurt. I tried so hard to get you back, if you knew how hard I tried."

"I think I did know..." I say quietly. This is so new. He is opening up to me.

"You know, the decision is yours in the end, whatever he tells you. If you want to go with him he'll let you, eventually. He'll tell you you're better off with me."

"What do you think?"

"I know what I want. I don't know what you want." He stares down at our interlaced fingers. I want to look into his face, I want to read him. I pull his chin up to and search his eyes. I see pain and fear and hope. "Rose, I can't decide, I just have to go along with it." I want to ask why, but he seems bitter, almost angry, and I don't want to make him angrier. I grip his hand and say nothing and gradually he calms. "I have to go and find a few things, say goodbye and stuff," he says, letting go of my hand, making me feel a bit lost. He leaves and I sit for a while longer. Then I head out of the gardens. There is someone I need to talk to.

I find him alone in the console room. When I walk in he looks up hopefully. His eyes meet mine and linger briefly, then the blinkers come down.

"You okay?" I ask trying to sound casual.

"I'm fine," he says and I remember that that usually means he isn't. I move close beside him hoping that he will respond to me. He doesn't. Except. I know that it is small but I feel it in my head. The TARDIS is letting me connect with him. He fights it until he swings round and looks into my face. "Stop it, Rose! It's not fair!"

"Doctor?" I plead.

"No, I can't."

"You're the one who's not being fair!"

"Rose, it's not the same now, it's got..." he stops and bites his lip.

"Complicated?" I finish and a smile flickers in the corner of his mouth.

"Doctor..."

"Rose... please... don't make this harder than it already is.... please." I hear the desperation in his voice and I can't... just can't... push him any further. Perhaps I don't want to. We sit quietly for a while then I get up to leave. I don't want him to see me cry. "Rose," he says quietly as I reach the door. I turn to him. "I would have to let you go at some point, you understand? I would have to go through the pain of losing you at some point." I can't say anything so I nod as people start to pass me entering the console room. 

The TARDIS has landed.


End file.
